Would You Turn Your Child in if They Committed a Crime?

My husband and I ran into an interesting difference of opinion the other night. He said the parents of a confessed murderer who escorted their son to turn himself into the police should have done more to protect their son.

My response: “What? They were bad parents because they made their son own up to killing somebody?” Seriously, I didn’t think there would even be much thought there. But the case is more complicated than that. As a brief background, the young art student’s car hit a young mother riding her bike, and then he stabbed her to death when she started writing down his license number.  The act was witnessed and he injured more people on his escape.

As for his parents, it seems they escorted him to the police after investigation and witnesses had already led in his direction, making their act far less noble than it would seem. The family was reportedly affluent and with connections, though just how much is being debated all over the Internet. At least, it wasn’t enough to avoid the death penalty. Compensation offered the victim’s family was rejected.

But, whatever went on with his parents, my husband’s reaction brings up, to me, an aspect of a single-child society that isn’t usually addressed. That even the idea of protecting your child who has taken someone’s life could be supported shows a high level of protectiveness that some Chinese might call a sacrifice along the lines of spending all their life’s savings to guarantee a good future for their child (in this case, it seems the seemed affluence came from his parents spending what money they did have giving their son a comfortable life, i.e. the car).  

Now, Chinese parents certainly don’t corner the market on this level of protectiveness and I’m sure there are plenty of parents in other countries who hide their child’s criminal behavior. But it's probably not an attitude that would be publicly voiced (as much as my husband's opinion is "public"!) And in fact, is the only-child sense of entitlement leading to the greater possibility of criminality? Many netizens believe this killer was justified and might have done the same themselves.  

We all say we just want our kids to be happy, while all the while planning for them to become doctors, lawyers, presidents (goodness knows why for the latter two… J). We look at cases like this and shake our heads, but I won’t deny the horrible possibility hasn’t crossed my mind  of any of my children doing, well, something I would be less than proud of. What would I do if it were a case like this? What I believe is the right thing, I hope. But I hope and pray none of my sons ever makes his parents have to have this debate for real!

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Sand Gets in Your Eyes: Spring in Beijing

Spring is windy and stormy in much of the world. But in Beijing it brings with it the added curse of sand. A common news topic this time of year is tree planting – trying to stop the evil Gobi desert from sending its sand our way. Recently, we looked out our window and saw our English-Polish neighbor kids digging a hole to plant trees, while hotel staff looked on.

I assumed this was hotel sand-fighting propaganda, but after we ventured outside we discovered the neighbor boys had themselves requested and chosen these trees – one cherry blossom and one peach. The kids all had fun digging and pouring water. And we big people all had fun toasting it with neighbor Kasha’s cherry brandy.

But the belief the trees were a sort of symbolic sand-fighting effort at all was all my assumption on first glance out the window. Flipping through hotel channels soon after, my attention was arrested by a photo on the hotel channel. It was us and the neighbors in full digging mode.  Turns out the hotel is promoting the act as planting “memorial trees” for “departed foreign experts”, presumably referring to the man who dug up his own trees on moving.

Tiger Dad + Kitten Mom = Flexible Cat Kids?

Surviving - and thriving - in Chinese schools

I knew my 5-year-old twins would start speaking Chinese if we threw them into a Chinese school. But still somehow I’ve been surprised to see it happen. Being a worrying, coddling mother I wondered what traumas they might suffer along the way.  Their father, more of a “stop crying and just do it” sort, wanted them to be happy but knew they’d survive.

And they did complain at the kindergarten (more equivalent to a US preschool) in Beijing where we first enrolled them. They complained that the teachers yelled, and they couldn’t tell me what they were doing all 8 or 9 hours they were at the school everyday.  Still, their Chinese progressed and instead of complaining that they couldn't understand the teachers or talk to their friends, they started coming home telling me about conversations they had in Chinese.

Example of a Chinese textbook for 5 year olds

Still we were concerned they were just playing all day and knew that at nearly 6 years old, they were up to more challenge than that, in any language. Finally through chance, we learned of another school with smaller classes, a more educational focus, and better yet – more than half the price! On the last day at the old school, Isaac told his teacher in Chinese he was “going to university” (which translates literally to “big school” in Chinese).

And then, my boys who previously had to be coaxed and coerced and bribed (Isaac more than his twin Ethan) to do homework at night, suddenly last weekend, just two days after starting the new school, couldn’t stop doing it. They just wanted to write characters all night, while their dinner went cold. And then, at school the next day, Isaac raised his hand to answer a question and boldly went to the front of the class to answer. Shyer Ethan soon followed suit.

Suddenly, for now, I feel better about the prospect of throwing them in competitive primary school.

Home again, home again … at last

We are soooo incredibly happy to be in our own home again. It seemed like returning to a palace. Central air, clean, spacious and ours! Pulling into the garage, Ethan exclaimed “Our house!” and that has continued to be both their mantras. It’s so nice having our own stuff, our own yard and noone telling us what to do. Of course, jet lag is another story. I think I slept 3 hours last night, the boys 4. They wake up at 3 or 4 just like last time. Hopefully in a few days it will start getting better.

The trip went relatively smoothly, despite Isaac throwing up a couple times (once at McDonald’s, once on the airplane). They both slept a lot though – we didn’t even have to pull out the DVD player. The only problem was whenever we had to deplane, they would both be screaming for mama to carry them. I would try to carry both of them for a while but when my arms were falling off I’d have to pass one off to Jack kicking and screaming. It was very hard to maintain patience when we were also tired. After the longest leg when Isaac was throwing a fit, I overheard the flight attendant working our aisle tell another one, “he was so good the whole flight”, and I am at least grateful there were no mid-air incidents to disturb the other passengers.

Well, that’s really it I guess for this blog! We hope you enjoyed are adventures and stay tuned for more :)

Homeward Bound!

July 29, 2008

Several days to catch up on and so little energy! Boys are ensconced in front of the TV watching The Fox and the Hound for the second time so I can get a few minutes to sit. It’s kind of a mixed blessing when they are old enough to sit through a movie! In two days we’ll be halfway home, and none too soon. We are all completely knackered and ready to be in our own home. The boys got sick on the train from Fuzhou, which was not the most pleasant train ride despite the soft seats. The train was fine, I just didn’t feel well myself nor sleep well. Now the boys have been feverish. Isaac has recovered pretty quickly but Ethan has been pretty puny but is perking up. They napped early today though and will be exhausted by bed time – we all will. And Pamela and Vincent will be coming late to say hi and bye. Still we want to see them again before we go.

The PSB just showed up at our door. Never had that happen in China before, though I wasn’t altogether surprised. So many so-called “Olympic security” people are everywhere watching everything going on. Now if only they could apply that energy to traffic and forming lines…. Anyway, he was relatively nice, even knows an old senior editor from CCTV that I used to work with. Jack has gone with him to swipe our passports. He just gave the spiel about how it’s China’s law, etc. I half expected a fine, but apparently it’s okay. Hopefully he won’t cause any trouble about all the other time we stayed here unregistered.

Meanwhile, our last couple days in Fuzhou were nice. We endured another hot morning with family in Jack’s village, where Jack’s dad showed up in what is supposed to be also Jack’s house (though he sold all the land without consulting Jack) though he didn’t say hi or join us, partly since he’s not happy with Jack and mostly because he has bad relationships with a lot of the family in the village.

We then moved into the hotel where Jack’s cousin was staying for training (the cousin who bought us the train tickets). It was pretty comfy and there was a big park with an amusement park a few minutes walk away. We enjoyed eating familiar food and food that wasn’t being forced on us in large quantity by family. Jack enjoyed the breakfast buffet, but it was all a bit too local food for me – a lot of pickled stuff and stuffed buns. The boys liked the Chinese doughnuts and watermelon though.

The train rides, besides aforementioned punyness, was nice. It was a very long train (as in many cars), with two regular soft sleeper cars (usually there is one) and one luxury soft sleeper car. We didn’t even know about that! For an extra $100 we could have had a room to ourselves with our own toilet and little couch. Not really worth it though with the kids, esp since one bed was on top. The next time we come back the boys will be big enough we will have to buy a whole four-bed soft sleeper room. The train food was decent and people relatively okay. Isaac forced an older boy to play with him, as he is wont to do (he did the same with an older boy at our hotel breakfast table).Ethan loved to just sit and watch outside (especially excited when he saw train tracks), making comments. He is quite the chatterbox these days. Even if his vocabulary probably isn’t as large as Isaac’s, his grammar is better. He says things like “Mama, wait. I coming!” and when scared says “Scares me!”. Even though they still only speak a few words of Chinese, their English has at least improved, even if I’m not sure anyone else would understand most of it!

Okay, better tend to the sickies…

Terrorizing two-year-old

July 23, 2008

The little cousin is something of a terror, but naturally still sweet in the way all kids are. His parents yell and threaten and swear they’ve tried everything but seem otherwise proud of the fact that their toddler scares away 5-year-olds. Half the time he does play well with the boys, but the rest of the time he pushes, shoves, grabs and bites. He knocked Ethan off the scooter car and has come close to causing serious injury many times. Still, he can be really sweet. In some ways I’m a little impressed his parents have the patience that they do. I have seen them sometimes rather than yelling or smacking telling him gently that he’s a good boy and to share and showing their affection often, even on occasion removing him from the scene despite his rather hearty (and he is very strong!) protests.. Still last night I nearly blew a fuse when he was taking all their blocks into his backpack and Ethan was quite upset (he’s definitely more sensitive). So there were four or five adults huddled around trying to reason with this spoiled two-year-old and unwilling to just remove him from the situation. Meanwhile I was the only one who remembered the boys’ potatoes cooking on the stove before they burned. Another lady was there playing with her 9-month-old and she kept shaking her head. Apparently that’s the reaction most parents have around here and apparently also it runs in the family – his grandpa is tough, a fighter, his dad has been known to easily get in fights and his uncle in recent times beat his parents, the kids’ grandparents, not to mention his own wife and kid. Still I tell Jack he may be genetically predisposed but his strong character can certainly still be turned for the good.

The good news is Jack’s cousin in Fuzhou managed to secure us soft berth tickets for Sunday back to Beijing. I am very relieved about that! And excited it’s only a few days away. We’re trying to work out right now what we’re doing the last few days. The plan was to go tomorrow to Jack’s village, but right now Jack is very upset at his dad. He first wanted us to stay in the village in his “own” house, a complete dump, then to stay with another uncle, who Jack says his place is not much better. Jack wanted to stay with an uncle that has a nicer house. But his dad is on the outs with that uncle (as he apparently is with much of his family) and refuses to come if we do that. He tells Jack he should build his own house, and Jack says he would if his dad had ever done anything for him, but he sees all his cousins getting houses from their parents, not to mention just generally being raised well and gets upset that his dad expects him to do it for him. So now we are thinking we may stay where we are one more hot, boring day and go the village for lunch on Friday then head into Fuzhou to a hotel for the last couple nights. I cannot wait to get some peace and quiet, hopefully air conditioning, and not to mention Internet!

Speaking of air conditioning, I can’t believe we’ve lived over two weeks now in scorching heat with no central air. We load up on the icy water and turn the fans on high but it’s still unbearable. Still, I have to count our blessings that at least, except for a couple nights a couple times, we’ve had AC in our sleeping room. So at least naps and nighttime are comfortable.

Despite being really in the middle of nowhere (though not for long, a new highway is coming through), we have found one thing to entertain the boys. They love swimming in the river. We have to trust it’s not toxic, but most of the locals don’t seem to think so, swimming and washing their clothes there. We go in the evening after 5pm when the water is lower so we can pretty much wade all the way across. The cousin has inner tubes and little blow-up boat too they like to play with. He and another boy had been playing with us for a couple nights but we realized these festering sores on cousin’s leg were getting worse and suggested he shouldn’t come anymore. I gave them some antibiotic ointment and bandages but not sure they’ll really use them. The kid is covered in injuries. When I had to drag him downstairs to his dad a couple nights ago when it was bath time for the boys, apparently the trumpet he had in his mouth cut in his mouth. I felt awful since I didn’t even realize at the time. I went to check on him later after Jack told me and everyone just pooh-poohed me – “oh, this happens all the time”.

His grandparents seem to appreciate American medicine more. I gave them a bunch of ibuprofen when his grandpa, Jack’s uncle, had a fever and headache (spends too much time cooking for us, then also tending to his mother who apparently is a fussy eater and wakes also at night demanding food). Apparently it helped though he also took some Chinese medicine. I hope he doesn’t overdo it. Still he was taking more today for some other pain and asking about what kinds of things you can get in the States, like for nerve pain and such. I told Jack that was a strong as you could get without seeing doctor. Jack told him my mom uses Chinese pain patches for her pain but he hasn’t found them quite as effective!

One more day...

July 20, 2008

I just gained a day. And when you’re desperate to go home, that’s disheartening. I was quite sure today was Monday the 21^st but alas it is not. So we still have a few days stuck in this village with not much to do. I’m quite sure the boys will be thrilled when we leave, but they are doing well playing with the toys here. Whenever we do go outside they want to go back in. There are some cool cars to drive around the house, so that helps. The house’s owner, Jack’s cousin, returned tonight with his wife and two-year-old. They are very nice – the don’t mind us staying in their room with the AC. The boy is rather hyper, which explains why all the toys are broken. We’ll see how the boys get along with him –so far they are not too keen and if the boy doesn’t want them playing with his toys that’ll make these few days even more excruciating. At least annoying aunt left today, after sharing her philosophies on giving the boys milk every time they cry at night (kids drink a lot of milk here), and after giving them each 200 Yuan for her face.

I know I am complaining and criticizing a lot – it’s just challenging. But I do know people are going out of their way to do what they think is right and I try to understand their point of view even if to me it’s simple.

Fuzhou, finally

July 19, 2008

We are in Fuzhou, for better or worse. A total of seven people saw us off to the airport at 6:30 in the morning. It was nice of HuaHua to arrange a car yet again, but the whole production was just a bit much, especially since they decided to go the non-highway way to save tolls and we were cutting it close time-wise. This turned out to be bad also because I was a bit brainless and didn’t pack all the liquids in the checked bags. So I lost a lot of stuff, most of which we gave to Jack’s aunt. What I’m mainly missing is my contact cleaner – good thing I have my glasses at least. They can’t even mail it because you can’t mail liquids either. I was getting really upset with security, probably not a good move, but especially because they wouldn’t even let me take the boys’ Tylenol. They kept pointing to their new Olympics regulations. The Olympics really make everything difficult for us, stricter and train travel is more troublesome with no electricity in the plugs anymore. Nevertheless we probably should have taken the train to Fuzhou, 40 hours and all. We wouldn’t have lost all our stuff and we would have saved some money. And we would have had a couple days without family around.

It is all getting to be a bit much – everyone means well but they are all bossy, nosy and can’t seem to trust us to raise our kids ourselves. I get very tired of being told they are too skinny and people trying to force feed them. We keep assuring people they are quite healthy and active. Everyone has strange rules too, like wearing different slippers in each room. I can’t do anything without someone or ones there asking what I’m doing and trying to do it for me. People spend so much time cooking for us, which I appreciate but we would tell them not to, that we quite genuinely didn’t want that much and didn’t want them getting so tired for us, but they would still do it every day and I am barely allowed in the kitchen and get yelled at if I try to clean up a little bit. Although at the big aunt’s place, I did wash dishes a couple times and she appreciated that. Was nice to be actually allowed to do something. I sooo can’t wait to be back in my own house. What gets me though is if they were in my house I’m quite sure they’d be just as bossy and nosy. When Jack’s cousin visited Beijing, she was always in the kitchen telling me what to do or taking over.

What’s most aggravating though is hearing how saintly Jack’s parents are, from both sides. Someone told Jack today he should place his father before his kids because his dad did so much for him. What? Everyone acts like it’s our responsibility to visit and look after his parents, who did very little for him and who in fact are supposed to be older and more mature. People believe Americans are cold because they don’t (in general) buy their kids fancy cars or build homes for them and because grandparents don’t raise their grandkids. Whereas from what I’ve seen spoiling their kids generally backfires and I don’t get why people have kids to be raised by someone else. But these are differences that it’s not really my place to say what’s better or worse since probably neither way is.

But what I really dislike is the idea of “face”. I know a lot of everyone fussing over us is because if they didn’t they would look bad. His one aunt in fact admitted she didn’t take very good care of her husband’s family when they visited. There is so much protocol, especially in family relationships, I would go completely bonkers. About who you call and when and who you stay with, and so on, which apparently Jack has been told he hasn’t done very correctly – he is thinking more about what’s best for the family and who has been kinder to him. His dad too got really angry because he didn’t call him as soon as we arrived in Fuzhou – called him just to tell him he had lost a lot of face because of that. His dad’s brother too was really rude and when we stopped at their shop, just kept working and barely gave a hello. Jack tells me that is actually very bad in Chinese custom as Ethan and Isaac are kind of considered his grandsons since they are carrying on the family name. His aunt was very jovial and friendly even but she has been a bit of a pain today.

Anyway, we arrived in Fuzhou and arranged to stay at one uncle’s place near the airport (an uncle who is at great dispute with Jack’s dad, part of the reason everyone is upset at him). He himself works away from most of the time, but his wife and two girls looked after us. They were sweet – the two girls are really shy, which was kind of a nice change. The one apparently was a girl I befriended on our last trip here five years ago – she was so small then I wouldn’t have recognized – now she is a very tall 16-year-old. The mother was nice too, though as mad as everyone else. She cooked so much food that we could never eat and the boys wouldn’t really anyway. That’s fine, that’s what people do when you have guests, but she didn’t stop the whole time. She was always trying to cook more and then decided to order a few dishes from a restaurant. Jack said flat out she had better not or we would leave, but she did anyway. She kept making all kinds of stuff for Ethan and Isaac and sometimes got lucky at least, like with some kind of noodle soup they really liked. Their house was big but very simple with barely working faucets and no hot water (they have a scary electric thing they put in the water to heat for baths). There was also no AC but it was pretty cool, thanks to the Typhoon in Taiwan. They have these also scary fans hanging in the mosquito nets over the beds that were nice for sleeping.

But the good thing about that place was it’s proximity to the beach. The beach they took us to was pretty trashy, but close to the water was nice and flat for a long ways out so the boys could romp around. They had a wonderful time jumping over waves and then later sitting and letting it wash over them. We actually got lucky because of afore-mentioned rain that there was a break long enough to play. The aunt was a bit mad here too, though, chasing the boys all over because she was terrified they would fall into every little wave that came. I wasn’t that concerned because you could see flat sand for some distance, but I still tried to keep them in line and nobody had as much fun as we would have liked. Well, the boys still had a great time. When it was close to lunchtime though, the rain picked up but Isaac refused to leave. He was having way too much fun that he threw a major tantrum at the suggestion that he should leave. Finally the rain started coming hard about the moment he threw himself down on the sand (after already washing him off once) so I had to carrying him kicking and screaming, both of us drenched and sand-covered back to the rickshaw. Back home, they took us to a neighbor’s with a tap outside to wash off some more and we all bathed well at home!

We stayed two nights there, which brings me to today. Though today actually starts with yesterday, when we stopped to see Jack’s uncle and aunt (previously mentioned), who work close to where we were staying. As I said, uncle just kept working and aunt gushed a bit and took us to their little shack where she fed us watermelon cut with the same knife she had cut fish with… Later that night there was an opera performance at the town hall next to our apartment building. It started with ear-splittingly loud fireworks that terrified the boys. Later we went out to watch a little – Ethan is really into Chinese opera – and said aunt was there. So I guess Jack told her we were going to his nice aunt’s place today so this morning she called to say she was arranging transportation and was coming with us. In hindsight, we should have said thanks, but no. She hired this fancy car for a lot of money, which we ended up having to pay and what’s more someone suggested to her we take a different way that they said would be easier (this aunt’s place is somewhat inaccessible). We ended up driving for ages, having to stop often to ask directions, over huge puddles and potholes, and then getting to a point where a car could go no further. Aunt was not well and got out and puked but refused to go back home – we could not figure out what she wanted to go with us (until we got here and Jack’s dad was here and big feast – she and her daughters are good eaters…) At this point we transferred to a motorbike rickshaw. I did not like this idea of five of us and our luggage in one of these little things but there was not much choice. This rickshaw bounced us all over the place and at one point I was seriously terrified for our lives when he tried to go up and hill that he shouldn’t have and got stuck and wobbly. After aunt got out and Jack with one of the kids to hold it a little he was able to get up but after that I was scared as we passed a lot of treacherous areas and praying we would just get there in one piece. We still got lost many times before finally seeing the aunt walking out to greet us. We still had a walk a ways but I was just grateful not to be in a vehicle. The annoying aunt rode in the rickshaw to the house, took a few smaller suitcases out, then waited for Jack to come pay the driver. Jack just grabbed the big suitcase and went inside- by this point very annoyed with her. The nice aunt ended up paying and in the process of the chaos we left Ethan’s favorite blocks in the rickshaw. He is really into his “robot” made of a few blocks and we also had taken from the last house these pieces you fit together to make shapes or whatever that Ethan must have sat and played with quietly for nearly an hour. Jack is quite upset we lost these – I figure they are three and will forget by tomorrow anyway with the news toys where we are, but we will keep an eye out for more. I am just glad we arrived alive and if we had to lose something it wasn’t passports, money, or computers.

We are really annoyed with annoying aunt’s cheapness. That is really bad manners for Chinese to help someone then make them pay for it. His uncle in Chongqing – probably the only man in the family that is somewhat sane and likeable – hired cars for us a couple times and always paid before we even got in the car. What’s worse though is she later was going on to Jack in front of a crowd about how well he took care of her daughter in Beijing and that she wanted to give him money… such a Pharisee.

Anyway, the nice aunt’s house is nice – though I guess actually it belongs to their son. I’m kind of confused about their family situation – apparently they built houses for their sons, spent a lot of money on them and one son at least treats them very badly, even beat both his parents and destroyed part of the house they had built. Nice. But our room was built for a son who worked in Israel for some time. It has AC, a TV and so on, all of which is very nice, and it’s on the second floor where noone else stays, so it feels quiet and private too. She also has a washing machine so we can finally get some clean clothes – she was very concerned about my dirty underwear and washed it by hand for me… hmmm. Don’t know what we will do tomorrow – finding a way to do Internet will be first thing I think, and hopefully the rain will have stopped and the boys might be able to swim a bit in the river. They have impressed me with their ability to find interesting things and entertainment wherever we are. They will run around pretending to be monsters scaring each other if there is nothing else to do. They both finished apples after dinner and we sent Isaac with the core to put back on the dining table. He came back smiling and proud and we gave him the second one. Ditto. Later, the aunts, who were sitting at the table, said he had thrown them out the window. There are some habits, like peeing in public wherever they see an interesting hole or puddle, that will have to be kicked when we get home!

The brighter side of Chongqing

We spent yesterday finding and dining with the couple who sponsored Jack through 3 years of school. And what’s more I finally saw a nice side to this dirty city. In the morning, a very unusually cool but gray one, we loaded into a taxi to look for the sponsor, only knowing where he had worked several years ago, for the highway department. It took some time and lots of asking to find the right place only to find out it had moved. Fortunately the couple running a watermelon stand at the old location knew where it had moved to, so we loaded back up and managed to find it, again with much stopping to ask. A man outside the building happened to be walking by who knew the name and which floor he worked on and the guard inside then looked it up and called him. He was needless to say quite surprised and didn’t quite know what to do with me at first. We went up and they chatted for a while. Jack called his wife, who he says was the real sponsor, and she invited us to dinner. Jack’s aunts weren’t too thrilled - they like to keep everyone captive at home and don’t understand why anyone would go out with anyone who wasn’t family.

But we went in the evening to their very nice apartment in a complex by the Yangtze with the best playground for the kids we’ve run across so far. It was broken and run down in parts like they all are but the boys still had a blast. They took us to a restaurant directly overlooking the Yangtze in an area that has been very well developed and reminded me a bit of Shanghai, or the Houhai bar area in Beijing. We tried to get a table on the roof with a gorgeous view but they were worried about rain and sent us back to the boring first floor. Still it was a nice dinner, Jack snuck away to pay before they could much to their consternation. Still, I think they were touched by the whole thing – that he would go to the effort to find them and take them to dinner. Apparently a lot of sponsorees don’t even bother to write their annual letter of their progress. Jack had been kind of embarrassed though that he didn’t really work as hard as he should have in high school and didn’t make it to a top university – they had offered to pay his university tuition if he did. They were a lovely couple, much less bossy and invasive than most people. We went to walk along the river after dinner, where a friend or relative of theirs who had joined us bought the boys these kind of light sabers that thrilled them to no end. It was very nice to experience a clean and pretty side to the city (I even saw foreigners for the first time here and they looked equally surprised to see me) – on the ride over I had been telling Jack that I really could not stand this city (despite his grandma trying hard to persuade us to live here by telling us what a paradise it is), so I was glad to be proven wrong.

Still, I'm glad we are leaving for Fuzhou tomorrow. That might prove to be just as crazy but it'll be a change, and beach too!

I’m so happy it’s only two weeks before we are back in Beijing to get ready for our return flight. I’m glad we’re getting to see Jack’s family, but it’s all a bit much for me at moments – being in unfamiliar territory is bad enough but never getting a moment to myself is not good for the sanity. We had one of those horrible dinners Friday night where the men all get red-faced drunk while the women sit there drinking Sprite and looking on their men with pride. It was all I could do in my then already overwhelmed state of mind to keep from having a nervous breakdown.

Still it helps me understand Jack a bit better. His grandma is sweet, funny and completely mad all rolled into one. She never stops talking to me even though I can only understand a few words here and there. I was walking her around a small museum today and it took forever because she moved so slowly, would stop to talk to me (and beat her grandson when he tried to make her move faster). It occurred to me later that she is illiterate and probably wanted some explanation what we were looking at but I also can’t read that much Chinese. I feel badly for her though since apparently her daughters keep her confined so they don’t have to pay her medical bills if she gets ill, though she is sooo happy when we insist on taking her out to parks or museums. She tricked her daughter, the “second aunt” into letting her out of the house to go visit us at the “big aunt’s” house by telling her she was going back to her own house. And apparently she is plotting to keep one of the boys (Isaac is the current favorite) here in Chongqing. Haha, funny. Jack’s “big aunt” keeps telling me to leave one. She is only half kidding I think. I feel badly for her. I thought when we arrived that she was the craziest aunt, refusing to even let me bathe the boys, but she has turned out to be the more calm and normal. And her craziness is a bit understandable considering her son died a year or so ago of a brain tumor. I met him last time we paid a brief visit and he was really sweet, non-complaining. It really grieves me to think about, especially how that must be for her. She seems to be coping well but her husband seems more detached. I told Jack it’s kind of ironic that she would clearly love to have a grandchild to take care of but will never get one while his mother has these two grandsons and isn’t interested in them. He said she (who visited with is dad a few months ago – I don’t get this family) got upset when she heard we were coming and hadn’t told her.

Anyway, I can’t imagine bringing up any kid where they live. Saying it’s a dump is being kind. There is literally trash everywhere, a sort of river going by that is also filled with trash and stinks to high heaven. Everywhere you go is the same – just feels toxic to me, I feel like a bad mother letting my kids stay there even a few days yet people are living their whole lives there and somehow proud of it. Still, the boys actually enjoyed it, and liked being able to roam around and climb hills and go around vegetable paddies and so on. We went one afternoon to find Jack’s old middle school. Was a veeery long walk through trash heaps and toxic factories but the boys did pretty well and enjoyed it. Jack was very happy to find it, even under a new name, and look around and tell me stories of things he was remembering. He’s been really reminiscing a lot this whole trip.

I also just have to tell a sweet Ethan story. Despite his propensity to beat his brother, he seems to be the most soft-hearted of the two and is always more ready to share than Isaac and when Isaac demands “big” asks sweetly if he can have “small”. Well, lately he has been into making these so-called “robots” out of blocks. It consists of a long block with a small one for a head and two other small ones for feet. Very small and simple yet he makes them all the time and carries them around and gives them to other people. Anyway, yesterday Isaac took his “robot” just out of malice and threw it on the floor. Ethan plopped down weeping and wailing and I proceeded tell Isaac he needed to fix it and say sorry to his brother. He was screaming and refusing and meanwhile Ethan got up and went to fix his robot – but at the same time he made one for Isaac too and gave it to him. I was so shocked and touched I nearly cried. It was like he thought, “if Isaac wants one let him have his own” or maybe more like “this way he won’t destroy mine anymore!”. Nevertheless I found that an amazing example of turning the other cheek (or was it heaping burning coals?). They really interact well more and more and are really good friends most of the time. I love it when I catch them conversing with each other, but even more when they work out problems together and work together without being told.

Noodles on a train

If there really is such thing as hotter than hell, then we’ve arrived there. Chongqing is known as one of the four hottest spots in China, and not in a good way. We’re basically confined indoors during most of the day, and indoors is not so cool either since the dog (they’re breeding huskies, in a hot climate no less, poor things) chewed up the air conditioning cable and Jack’s aunt is waiting for her husband to return this weekend to fix it. I feel especially bad for his granny sleeping in these temperatures. We have an air-con unit in our room, for which I’m extremely grateful – I feel guilty about hogging it but then it wouldn’t be even used if we weren’t here. At least in early morning and evening we can go out to the playground just outside – this one even has a slide. Jack’s 15-year-old cousin is here too to provide them entertainment and they like him a lot.

The train ride over here went pretty well. Going soft sleeper was a very wise choice on Jack’s part. We still had to share the compartment, with a granny taking her grandson back home to raise (a Chinese habit I’ll never quite understand) and a guy who just got his graduate degree and is starting a job in Chongqing and who spent most of the time up in his top bunk. There are lots of interesting stories on trains. But fortunately thanks to having a door, we didn’t have to hear all of them. It was really nice to be able to shut the door and have some peace and quiet. This was especially true since right next door was a very chubby and hyper five-year-old girl who the boys found quite entertaining but who was at times a bit much for my patience level. The boys at least enjoyed the ride, sitting watching out the window while eating instant noodles. They slept somewhat decently too.

I haven’t had a decent sleep myself in quite some time and my tolerance is at a low level, but I’m trying hard to grin and bear it and know “this too shall pass”. Still it’s been kind of rough. The boys were coughing a bit before we left (probably thanks to Ming Ming) but got much worse when we got here – with the exhaustion, change of scenery and heat. Jack’s aunts bought them some Chinese cough medicine but just a sip or two and Isaac was throwing up. At least after that night he was mostly fine but Ethan has got worse and doesn’t sleep well. I’m sure he just wants to be back in his own house doing the things he’s used to doing. Still, I have to say they have shown themselves to be pretty resilient and I hope that despite their young age something of the moving around and cultural diversity they’re encountering will stick with them and make them somehow tougher and more adaptable.

The cousins depart

Happy late Independence Day to you all and late Anniversary to us! The day passed without event for us, and every day like that is a blessing! The cousins left a few days ago and I feel bad for them – the father is basically gone year round working and Hong Ting couldn’t even remember (or be bothered to try) when was the last time she saw him. So anyway, he travels between Inner Mongolia and Changsha in the south. They were planning to meet him in Inner Mongolia, to which Beijing would have been on the way, but he told them to go to Changsha back in the south. So the day after they arrived there he told him he was going to Inner Mongolia so they dragged the kids off again with only standing tickets on a very long journey. I really feel bad for the kids, but I hope they still manage to think it’s a good adventure.

We spent our last full day with them on Tiananmen, where I went to see pickled Mao for the first time. Kind of interesting, especially all these people, even young guys, buying flowers to put by his statue. I find it strange in this day and age that he still inspires so much of a cult following, but that’s just my outsider’s perspective! I kind of think his body must be wax or something but Jack says it’s definitely “real”, even if real means so many preservatives of various kinds over the years that it’s not really real anymore.

The boys also became their own tourist attraction. They plopped down in the middle of the square with their cousin Ming Ming to eat chocolate muffins. He finished and got up and shortly after I looked over and saw a lady squatting down and asking if she could take a picture. We agreed and when she was done two more ladies had appeared to take their picture. This wasn’t the first time that had happened – they were also photographed eating lamb kebabs on Wangfuging.

Poor Ming Ming was sickly most of the time and had a fever added to his cough by the time they left. Jack spent a few hours and some money with them at the hospital – wasn’t much help, he wasn’t really that sickly and they just gave him the same medicine I had already offered, but I guess his mama felt better.

Besides that we’ve just been saying goodbyes (Fred, Dawn & Daniel and Michael) and in some cases (Rob) hellos and goodbyes together. We took the boys for one last romp at the so-called amusement park at the park down the road. They happily jumped on the trampoline and cavorted in the balls and went up and down slides for a couple hours. Even though we don’t have anything quite like that back home, I will still be happy to get back to the land of free and plentiful playgrounds – such thing just barely exists for kids here.

So tomorrow is the big day we head for Chongqing. Fortunately I realized a couple nights ago that our ticket was for the 6^th which was in fact Sunday rather than Saturday. Was nice to have an extra day to prepare but of course we are still behind in that department and will no doubt be frantic in the morning! After checking out and getting back whatever we can of our deposit, we will head to Vincent’s to drop off a couple suitcases of things we don’t need now for safekeeping. We’ll eat lunch there then head to the station. Am very curious to see how this soft sleeper will be and praying we may get enormously lucky and not have a full compartment, but kind of doubtful on that department.

The Cousins Descend

The cousins have descended. And despite the small space and her frequent instruction to me on the correct way to do things or raise my kids, it’s been good. The boys love their cousins, for some reason especially the 10-year-old girl. She reminds me a bit of Katie back in Athens – pretty, smart and mature for her age. They do like the 4-year-old boy too though I guess he’s not quite “big kid” enough to be as much fun and he’s could use a bit more discipline (but then again mine probably could too!). Still I am reminded how much humor and play is universal and cross-culture.

It does get a bit crazy here though – they took to throwing blocks at Hong Ting, the girl, who seemed to think it was funny and despite my constant telling them to stop, their mama was laughing too. Finally during one such session yesterday when I wasn’t paying attention she apparently got hit and was crying. I didn’t even notice she was crying, just thought she was hiding from the barrage. Her brother claimed it was our two who did it and Jack started to get angry at them, but I told him not to blame them since they were encouraging it and there wasn’t much I could do to stop it if I didn’t have their mama’s support. Anyway, everyone is good friends again today. They went by themselves today to the Great Wall, returning hot and exhausted but with tales (and pictures) of fat foreigners, who were horrified when the boy smashed a butterfly. I have to say I would have been too.

And if one more person tells me the boys shouldn’t be wearing a diaper even to sleep at 3 years old, I just might punch them. Chinese people have very standardized and mechanical views of child rearing. I’ve been really pleased at their quick success at going diaper-less during the day and know we should work on sleeping soon (though they both went pee-less during nap today when I promised them suckers in return!), but I really am not worried about that. The constant advice I am given is starting to wear on me, probably because Jack’s cousin is here. The first thing when she arrived was to say how skinny and sick they were. We assured her they were not sick at all. Meanwhile her son who snacks all day and only drinks sweet drinks has actually been sick. The other thing everyone says is you have to chase them to get them to eat if that’s what it takes. I strongly disagree on this matter, try to explain that kids won’t starve themselves and the most important is that what they eat is healthy. But I have had to relent to let Jack feed them in front of the tv to make sure they eat as much as he thinks they should even though I disagree with that.

Meanwhile, we squeezed in a trip to Daxing. It was nice if a bit disconcerting as it took me quite some time to orient myself and recognize everything – partly because so much has changed. It wasn’t terribly exciting for the boys but they still kept the lunch party entertained – Isaac pulling his handwipe magically out of his shirt again and again with squeals of laughter, Ethan crawling under the table and both of them twirling the big lazy susan around after placing some object on it. We saw Gilda, another old student of Pamela’s, and Leonard too who surprisingly but happily (he is kind of shy and not very attractive though smart and funny) married a lovely lady who is more educated than and is due with their child in a few months. We were mostly at their house when not lunching. Also Xiao Hong of course, who hasn’t changed a wee bit. I caught only a brief glimpse of my old apartment and the BIGC.

We leave on Saturday for Chongqing. Tickets were getting hard to come by, so we had to delay a day longer than we planned. Jack went to the ticket office at 7 pm when they started selling the next available train and reserved us two soft berths – that means first class beds. The compartments have doors and air conditioning and other amenities we will no doubt discover. We will have to share with two other people so I hope the boys are on good behavior and that the compartment-mates are not too annoying either! I’m kind of exhausted already thinking about spending the next few weeks on the road and with various family but hopefully it’ll be good and it’s definitely nice to be on the downward trend toward going home.

Hospitals, again

A couple days ago Ethan fell on the stairs when running up on ahead. This seems to often happen and we’ve since instituted a hold-hands policy. But on this particular occasion, he knocked his head hard on the edge of a concrete step. After returning home, he seemed okay until he ate a carrot, lay down and vomited it back up. I decided to keep an eye on him and he ate dinner okay and kept it down, seemed normal, slept okay (even woke up asking to peepee one time). The next morning he developed a fever, slept lots and was super fussy. I didn’t immediately think about his fall until later when he woke from his second nap of the day and threw up again. I started to get worried about a concussion and so we took him to the local hospital. They just asked a few questions, did a blood test, really told us very little except then to go to the children’s hospital to do a CT. Jack thought he was fine and wanted to wait on that but I wanted to get it done so we went halfway across town in rush hour. I should have listened to Jack because when we went to do it they wanted to give him something that Jack first said was to put him to sleep but later explained was a tranquilizer. Either way, I panicked and said no, also thinking getting on in the evening about it taking some time to take effect and do the scan, but mostly imagining putting my poor already miserable and feverish son through that unnecessarily. So we opted to head home and see what happened. I’m glad we did, because he was almost back to normal today and the more I read about CT scans and the possible dangers the more glad I was. Today he still had a low fever and fussed more than usual but has also been a chatterbox and playful.

We spent the afternoon playing in the square, which is something I will really miss. We’ve gotten friendly with a number of kids and their grannies/mamas/ayis and today the boys played badminton with several kids and exchanged their scooter for others’ bikes. There is one granny that I often see but always seemed to look at me with something resembling disgust. I was never sure if she had something against foreigners or just me in particular or what. Today, though, she approached me, to ask why the boys aren’t in kindergarten (most Chinese kids start at 3). I explained to her that they just turned 3, that we are just staying a short time and that it’s not the same in the US. She said her grandson, just over 3, would start in the fall. But we got on to chatting and joking about other things and I realized she was a pretty nice woman after all.

Meanwhile, we are planning a big reunion in Daxing this weekend. All of us who are still around that knew each other there will gather and we will probably stay the night. One old friend who has since married and whose wife is expecting offered to put us up in their apparently large house. I figure it will give them good practice for having their own kid J.

It may also be a good idea because apparently Jack’s cousin and her two kids are coming on Friday to stay with us for a few days! I’m trying to imagine this in our tiny place – it was bad enough with Jack’s dad! But still, she is nice and her daughter was just a toddler (and a very cute and clever one) last time I saw her. The only thing I didn’t like was they paid the price to have a son because apparently a daughter wasn’t good enough. It seemed he had health issues as a baby too because she didn’t have breast milk and fed him rice as a baby. But she has been friendly and helped Jack a lot last time he went to visit his family.

This weekend was party central. It started with what turned out to be a huge affair on Saturday in the Ya Yuan garden where we used to live (I of course forgot to put the memory card in the camera!). It was the birthday of three kids and it was a great time - we saw so many old friends and hanging out there eating off the grill and drinking like old times :) The boys had a great time playing with the "big kids" after they got over being fawned over for some time. Seeing all the mixed marriages and kids also reminded me of one thing I liked about living there. Hang out in that crowd and you never feel like you stand out (except for having twins I guess!). For example, there was the Chinese news anchor from CCTV and her Turkish German husband with their kids speaking German, Turkish, Chinese and English equally well. Another plus is Jack is more inspired than ever to speak Chinese to the boys and is trying harder.

We also reconnected with a couple who now have a 1 1/2 year old boy. She invited us to hang out at their house with the boys and even leave them there since she already hires an ayi (nanny/maid) and her mom is there too. So this morning I took them there and left to go shopping when they were distracted with a big remote-controlled helicopter. I came back expecting tears but they were fine and I was told they didn't cry at all. Too bad we didn't start hanging out there earlier! A couple cleaning ladies were there also the whole time so the boys were well taken care of, and I realized this mama had a very nice life. Two people taking care of one boy, cleaning ladies and everything - maybe we should move back!

So then yesterday was the big day! It started with us all tired due to the big shindig the night before (boys got to sleep maybe at 11 or later and up at the same early hour!). We hung out at a mall nearby and then ate lunch at McDonalds, where they ate chicken nuggets like they'd just found an oasis in the dessert that might not appear again!

In the afternoon, I snuck over to prepare the party while they were napping. Which kind of ended up delaying the party because they woke up crying for mama and I finally texted Jack to give them ice cream and that got them chipper enough to walk over. They were thrilled with all the presents. Attendance was very small due to the other party, but that was fine by us. An old Chinese colleague of mine showed up which was nice. And Laurie, who helped me get the job at CCTV, made them each a fish cake. All in all a good time!

Sand storms! (aka French toast)

I think sometimes I underestimate the boys’ culture shock and adjustment to food. Isaac often gets a gag reflex when he gets upset and often spits his food out (but don’t worry he is still eating plenty and is still more chubby than Ethan!). A couple days ago I made them French toast for breakfast and they were sooo excited. Isaac came back for a second piece, declaring “sick all gone!” This was followed by “I like French toast”. (Everything is about “I like xxx” now – “I like apples’, “I like rice”. However, it took me a day or so to figure out that when he was saying he wanted “sand storm”, this meant French toast. Now he’ll wake Jack up to make him some when I tell him it’s too early. Jack tries to make him say it in Chinese and he will repeat but then asks for “sand storm” again.

They are getting a little better with the Chinese. They will try harder to say things rather than just reverting to saying “grandma” when it’s too difficult. The other day Ethan shocked me when we were washing hands and he said “xi shou” (wash hands) spontaneously. Isaac also impressed an old lady by putting on his shoe when she told him to. There is one little girl they are especially friendly with since her granny is with us and we call her meimei for little sister. So when Ethan sees her he will say “meimei’s here”. The other day he wanted to invite meimei to the park, but Jack says that’s not a very Chinese thing to do!

Yeye went home yesterday. The boys were finally starting to warm up to him a little. Still, it’s nice to have our tiny place back to ourselves. The funny thing is people like him (much also like Jack!) who annoy them constantly they try to avoid, but yet we had a friend over last night who is not really a kid person who they were immediately climbing over and poking at his face and annoying him. Yeye tried hard and I like him and I could tell he was very happy to spend time with him, but I could also tell he didn’t spend a lot of time around young kids (including his own, but that’s another story!).

Meanwhile we took the boys to the Beijing Disney (knock-off) for a special treat. We spent more time walking though trying to find rides they would both like and were big enough to ride. They had a great time though.

And speaking of special treats, the big day is tomorrow! I think though they’ve actually given up on their birthday actually coming since we kept telling them to “wait, wait” for a long time. Now when I ask about their birthday, they will say “wait birthday” or tease that it’s “taxi birthday” or “book birthday”. This morning Isaac saw a picture of a robot or something on the computer and when I asked if he wanted it for his birthday, he said “no, too much money”. But Ethan got excited and declared “too much all gone!” But we bought them each some fun presents and party supplies. Coincidentally, there is another birthday party today in the same place we will have ours today. That one will have greater attendance so we will go say hi to old friends and the boys will have fun I’m sure, but they will be very confused by their own party tomorrow I guess!

More coming after the big day!

It seems I either have a spy or a stalker. Considering where we are, either is a possibility. A young, handsome even, man with a “Marines” T-shirt was in our square this afternoon. I first noticed him because his look was kind of striking and reminded me of a husband of someone I know. After a while I realized he wasn’t talking to anyone and didn’t seem to know anyone there, and what’s more kept looking at us. He smiled sometimes watching the boys and I thought perhaps he just thought they were cute (who wouldn’t?) but even when we moved off the square to another small park then over to the fruit vendor, he would turn and watch us each place. Very peculiar.

We also found out it really is a small world. One of the friendlier folks here is a native Beijinger, very traditional, very Beijinger, but friendly. He is a little older with a 25-year-old daughter and wife probably not much older than that and a boy a little older than Ethan and Isaac. I have been making observations about Olympic preparations and asked Jack to ask him if he thought Beijing was ready. He said yes right away, then kind of back-tracked and said well, not completely. But it turned out he works for the Volleyball committee and is also in charge of the Taiwan delegation. On hearing this, Jack immediately asked if he knew his old boss at Mikado in Indianapolis, who is in Beijing on the delegation for the Games. Turned out he did. Jack was amazed and still can’t get over it.

We find we have to get a bit more creative with entertainment, especially on rainy days in such a small apartment with five us. Coloring and painting last for a brief time. The scooter is also popular as an indoor toy. The other day, they insisted on making robots, which turned out to be wrapping paper around their legs, arms and head. They were very eager to go outside like this after their nap to show off, but were disappointed (I was relieved!) to find the square mostly empty of other kids. They are getting familiar and friendlier with the other kids. Some kids are very possessive of their toys but others share freely and play well with them. When we have something to share like the scooter it certainly helps. They take turns riding bikes or kicking balls around. They also start to try to "read" in bed like mama or on the potty (which is still hit and miss - literally)

At the same time, we find ourselves collecting more toys than we probably should. On a visit to the local planetarium, Jack, who’s usually more “mean” about these things, bought them a ball rolling device. It’s taken us longer to put it together, or fix it, than they actually play with it. Still, it provides us all entertainment.

But said trip to the planetarium proved mildly disastrous. We thought we’d try the 4-D movie, thought the boys would like it, like a roller coaster, and spent a bit of money of that. Well, it turned out to be some under-the-sea kind of thing and the boys were absolutely terrified when air would blow on us and some scary-looking fish would jump out. So we had to take them out before the very short film was even halfway through. They kept saying they were “scared” after the fact, not a word I knew they knew! I kept telling them, “you want to ride scary, dangerous roller coasters but a movie with some fish scares you??” It’s kind of a relief though to know something does scare them!

Hold the mei you!

Well, the boys language skills are improving, but mostly in English! Isaac says more sentences like “I like ice cream” and “Where is car?” and grasps concepts like if we ask him if he wants to see Grandma, or Nora, says “nooooo, way way, go airplane”, meaning too far away. However, he does seem to understand more Chinese, and last night after trying to poo poo he was saying “mei you”, meaning their isn’t any. I asked him, “mei you what?” and he said “mei you poo poo”. Ethan, less concerned about these things, will only attempt to repeat Chinese if it serves some purpose, like getting him ice cream. If something is too difficult, he will just say “grandma”. Though he does come out with some funnies. The other day I told him to say ice cream in Chinese and he said “ni hao, ice cream”. Also, after days of watching the same little Einsteins DVD, I tell them if they want to watch TV, it has to be Chinese. So TV is now called “chinese”. And if I dare change the channel from something they like, Ethan will throw himself on the bed, shrieking, “Chinese!” Another funny thing, though, is he also insists on watching the horrible screeching Chinese opera on TV. I certainly hope that won’t be his career interest!

We had a big lunch party with Jack’s classmates on Saturday. It took us about an hour to get to his cop friend’s apartment, with a taxi driver that didn’t know even a major famous spot. Jack commented when he saw he had a GPS (which he wasn’t using) that it’s not a good idea to take drivers with GPS’s since it means they don’t know their way around. We told him on arrival that we weren’t paying the full fare and he didn’t even argue. I wanted to pay a little more than what Jack offered but he refused. Later, other people and taxi drivers Jack talked to said you shouldn’t pay anything or threaten to call the cops. Of course, coming back home later with yeye and the boys another driver also took us a long and expensive way. I thought maybe it just should be like that but Jack was upset that maybe I got cheated again. Oh well, live and learn! The party itself was interesting. His classmates were all friendly (one girl is a twin herself), though they seemed to find it hysterical every time they said a word in English. And I wasn’t amused when, posing for picks, one of the ladies picked up one of the boys and as she was about to sit down, one of the men who’d been drinking too much, moved it back to adjust it for the pic and she barely caught herself. I just bit my tongue since everyone was fine. They all fawned all over the boys of course and they tolerated it pretty well. They wanted to go back to the cop’s house later, since they enjoyed sitting there drinking coke and eating candies.

We also discovered an “amusement park” in a park not too far we like to go to. It’s a bit overpriced, but to do once a week or so will be good. They boys loved the trampoline, ball pit and blow-up castle. We were happy to find something they could really play with. There just isn’t that much for kids here. Jack was telling some old ladies in our compound that and they tried to suggest a few things, but ultimately sighed and said there wasn’t that much for them to do here either. Of course, the park featuring the amusement park is free and always full of old people playing games or dancing or singing. Most of these exercise equipment that springs up every few yards or so was likely built to keep the older generation fit and happy. Jack says it keeps them occupied and thus from complaining about the government. I said that must be similar to giving my prisoner student cable television, to keep their minds occupied and out of trouble!

I can’t think of a lot more excitement going on around here. Just more destruction and painting everywhere. They are now tearing up the one playground we really liked in our old hotel. “so it meets Olympic standards”, the manager there told me… We generally have a similar schedule/patterns here as back home. As soon as the boys get up, they want a PB and honey sandwich and hot chocolate, and then Jack or his dad will go out to get Baozi steamed buns and eggs and egg bread, all of which the boys like. Mornings are our bigger outings, to a big park or some such. After nap, we generally stay around home, going out to play in the big square where everyone hangs out. A few days ago, an old lady in our building gave the boys a bag of cars and planes and toy soldiers and such, so they were quickly the most popular guys in the neighborhood. Along with their scooter, which is also popular, they interact a bit more with the other kids, though it varies. Yesterday, Isaac was on his scooter following a little girl around on hers for a while. Would have made a cute pic if I had the camera! Later they were throwing balls with her too and I had visions of them as teenagers fighting over girls… yikes.

But that’s a ways away… I hope! For now, we are getting ready to celebrate the big three. They are very excited and I just hope we can live up to their expectations! We will have a small do with old friends in the garden where they are tearing up the playground.

Yeye is here now. It’s been interesting. He loves the boys, though he said if we came when they were five, they’d be more fun… As it is, he annoys them to death and I see where Jack gets it from. I have to bite my tongue and instinct to drag them away when they get upset. But they annoy back. He gets upset that they just call for mama all the time and only stay out for brief periods if he takes them alone. But he will just have to wait til they get used to him. He’s not the kind of grandpa to go buy them presents all the time, but he does buy them watermelon, and suckers every day, which they are addicted to (always grape for Isaac and always a new flavor for Ethan every day which he then discards two minutes later and asks for more). He speaks his kind of non-standard Mandarin to them and tries to teach them but so far they aren’t picking up a lot. I’m sure, like with English the first couple years of their lives, they are absorbing a lot and I can tell they understand more and more even if they don’t say more than “ni hao” and “xie xie” when they feel like it (and “pigu” when they see a kid with the open pants).

Speaking of open pants, one unexpected positive side of our trip is the boys are going diaperless when they are not sleeping. And I now understand the benefits and ease of the open pants and may even get some! It’s very handy to be in a country where no one looks twice if your kids stop to pee in public. Heck, grown ups do it too. They have been getting very good and holding it and going when we tell them or letting us know when they are starting to go. Isaac even poopooed in the potty yesterday of his own volition. He was soooo proud of himself. He is so eager to be a “big kid” and when he does something like that or eats all his dinner, he will stand up tall and say “big, strong”. Of course it probably has something to do with wanting to be big enough to ride the roller coaster at the zoo. Ethan, as usual, is more in lalaland. He’s refused to poo poo for the last few days, will sit on the potty as long as I sit there too playing with him or reading a book, but nothing happens L However, he has progressed vastly from a few days ago when he was peeing on the floor to telling me he has to go (and sometimes then pointing out to me where some of it didn’t make it to the potty!)

Okay, enough potty talk. I’m just excited about that! In other news, we finally got them the scooter they have been longing for. They always see the other kids on the square with their cool toys. So daddy went and bought them one and they have been riding it non-stop. I do have visions of my brother as a kid getting a big injury from a scooter, but this one is small and hard to have a serious accident (she says hopefully). They do fight over it though and try to ride it in the house, in the street… They even got into a fight with a girl about it this morning. This little girl, kind of tomboy, we see all the time with her granny, she was riding it for a while while the boys played with her bucket and shovels and some dirt and they alternated blowing the cheap plastic trumpet daddy also got them. Well, after a while Ethan wanted to ride again, got on and while her granny was chatting to someone and I was rushing to tell her to just wait a minute, the girl pushed Ethan off. He of course became very upset and when granny intervened and the girl also didn’t get to ride it, she also started throwing a fit. Granny suggested we just take off and let her cool off, so we did.

It’s also been good to catch up with a few friends. We see Pamela every now and then, last time went to the Botanical Gardens with her and her replacement at her job (she starts a new one at China Daily) and his Russian cousin. Mark is supposedly coming before we leave – we’ll see. And we’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get together with Rob who seems to wake up about the time we’re going to bed! Today we also had lunch with Laurie Lew, who helped me get the job at CCTV, along with Edwin Maher, a really sweet older Australian man who is an anchor there. Where we live is the compound for the hotel staff. It’s kind of weird to see all these people we were used to seeing dressed up serving us, walking their dogs in their civvies. A lot of the same ones are here and they all remember us well, as well as remembering how pregnant I was when I left. Jack does better at remembering them though than I do! Jack has a lunch with his classmates tomorrow – we’re still debating whether the boys and I should go or not, I think probably not. He hasn’t got together with any of them since we got back. One sent us the tickets to the sports performace at the Bird’s Nest and then later asked if I would teach his wife English in exchange for her watching the boys. I couldn’t quite picture the logistics of this, especially with her living a ways away. Jack has another friend, Wang Hao, who we used to spend some time with who has disappeared. He kept changing jobs and lived in a $10/month shack and now noone can track him down. Another good friend of ours who lives in Sichuan we also can’t get a hold of. That’s kind of troublesome considering his family is from the earthquake area. Jack thinks though it’s just that he didn’t write down the correct cell phone number the last time they chatted before we left. I certainly hope that’s the case.